I wrote this post almost a month ago but didn’t hit publish for some reason.
I was still pregnant then. I’m not now. We’ve lost our fifth baby to miscarriage, and now in some senses, I’m writing to myself.
These words were birthed out of an outpouring of frustration at our culture’s refusal to stand upon and for truth. I wrote this because I wanted to encourage you to speak truth into your circle of influence like I feel called to speak into mine (that being the loss community with this blog). That’s still true. I desire that strongly. Here’s why I think you should encourage bravely, whatever that looks like in your world:
Miscarriage. Infant Loss. Stillbirth.
Not a glamorous topic, I know. It’s painful, uncomfortable even; especially if you’ve lived through or alongside someone who’s experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. So why do I keep bringing it up? Why can’t I move on and talk about something more…uplifting? When’s the right time to let it go and leave the pain of loss as a memory?
Never. Never-ever. Never-ever-ever. I won’t stop talking about it because there’s someone out there who needs it. There’s one woman out there who is aching and searching to connect with the power of the written word, and I don’t want to let her down. I want her to be encouraged by words that understand the depths of her grief, but also provide the healing elixir of hope in Christ and a God who is sovereign and good, no matter how let down by Him she feels. I want her to know that good is still possible and that our Lord is still on the throne, still loves her, still reaches out His arms of comfort to hold and heal her crushed heart.
Lonely in pain we need not be.
I don’t want anyone to feel alone like so many are prone to after experiencing loss or miscarriage. I don’t want a woman to feel as if no one could understand her pain, as if no one really cared or desired to dive deep into the whys, the hows, and the what ifs with her. We are fragile creatures, susceptible to deep hurts that can destroy and shrivel our souls without the life-giving power of God-centric encouragement.
I won’t be quiet because life is always worth celebrating and shame should never be coupled with loss. The emotions we experience when we can’t control a circumstance that seems controllable (i.e. carrying a child within our own bodies to full term) are complex and the enemy will hijack them if given the chance.
Don’t engage in a battle you can’t win (alone).
You, sweet mama of loss, need not let such a stronghold develop. You have a power at your fingertips that makes the universe quake, causes mountains to bow down, and yes, can and will and has defeated the enemy. Your enemy manifests now as unbelief, doubt, guilt, and fear. Bring those to Christ (even when you don’t want to) and He will fight your battles for you.
For this reason, I’ll keep talking. The enemy thinks he’s winning as he steals souls in every venue of life and culture in today’s America, in today’s world. I refuse to allow him to grab the souls of grieving mothers simply because they’re vulnerable. Mothers are strong. They are resilient. Bereaved mothers weather storms so fierce that their roots burrow deep into grace and are forced to tap into the power of His love and peace. This is my call.
A Greater Call
This is your call, fellow moms, fellow dads, fellow family and friends of hurting loved ones. We are called to speak truth into the lives of those around us. Use your platform (don’t be fooled, you have one no matter how small or large) for good. Use it to influence for Christ. Use it to empower in truth and kingdom work. Your work may not be in ministering to a community of bereaved mothers, but you have a story. What is it? What makes you uniquely qualified to connect with people?
I’ll make it easy for you: you’re their brother. Their sister. Their friend, daughter, co-worker, roommate, or barista. You’re a human being sharing the same air, living in the same mind-bending world of chaos, and living under the rule of the same God (whether acknowledged or not). And you have the answer. I have the answer. I may not feel ready or up to giving that answer at the drop of a hat, but I ought to be prepared to answer in and out of season, right?
Tighten your belts, friends. Engage in your sphere of influence. Be a light, for where there is great darkness, the light shines ever more brilliantly.