What a lovely word. What a lovelier idea. So fanciful. So free. So…unrealistic. What is it about finding equilibrium that’s so difficult? My husband reminded me last night that I tend to be unrealistic in this corner of life. I see myself as a positive realist, while he sees me for more of what I am: little miss trying to shoot sunshine bullets at everything.
I’m aggressively positive sometimes…it’s as if I’m afraid to admit to things/situations/myself/ANYTHING being negative because – I don’t even want to think about the end of that sentence! It’s a phobia. Negative Nancy is not welcome at my doormat. So I impose that attitude (ahem, my personal issues) on others.
I can tell you one way to make a conversation go badly. Say these words: “You’re always so negative about things!”
Can I get a facepalm? Who in their right mind actually says something so childish? *raises hand* I did. TO MY HUSBAND! And the patient, gracious, ever-loving hunk that he is overlooked it and we actually finished our discussion cuddling. Whew. That man is a saint.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve stressed trying to keep equilibrium in life. Status quo, happy medium, constant, consistent: I like to live in this quiet and predictable place. It’s my jam. My peanut butter and raspberry jam.
But this place eludes me. Like a thief in the night! Like all of those missing socks! Like a decent halftime show at the Super Bowl! And so I do my best to manufacture it: keep the house clean and tidy, have a plan, follow a budget, stay on a schedule, stay fit, eat healthy, get adequate sleep, drive the speed limit, read at least one book every two weeks, and keep the salt off of my car. Ok, so some of those things aren’t on my “must do” agenda. But wouldn’t it be nice?
I interrupt this daydream with a toddler. And a life.
So, in search of a resolution I look to biology. Here’s what the body does: most of our biological systems are never truly 100% in homeostasis, or a place of complete equilibrium. As long as we’re healthy they’re quite close, but our systems are always working to keep us as near as we can be to that state, usually varying slightly above and below the line of “perfection.”
Two things I see in this: we were created to be in a relative state of equilibrium. Mild ups and downs are inevitable, but as a general rule we thrive on consistency. If you’ve spent any amount of time with a baby or toddler that becomes obvious quickly. Or with me. Yes, I operate on the same plane of a tiny human most days. My psyche has needs!
The second item I gather is that it’s not the end of the world when we miss that mark of perfection, as long as we’re constantly pushing toward it. There’s a deeper spiritual nugget we could dig out of that I’m sure…
I’ll work on it. My aggressive instinct to pump undue positivity into every situation. It’s exhausting for everyone. I’ll be realistic in my expectations (ok, I’ll make my best effort) and patient with the outcomes.
Because sometimes this is what my day looks like allllll day long.
DO NOT LOOK AT HIS CUTENESS. Focus on the fact that he’s eating toilet paper please.
Ok, now you can look at how cute his cheeks are. But don’t lose sight of that toilet paper entering his pristine digestive system…the audacity of these littles, I’m telling you. Unbelievable.
I’m glad you stopped in today. It was enlightening for me.
Hats off to your Tuesday! Unless you’re in Wisconsin! Then leave it on because it’s cold and I wouldn’t want you to lose your ears or whatever happens when you don’t wear a hat in the winter.